Day 1- nothingness

Have you ever sat and thought why we have days where you absolutely can't think of a thing to do. I spent my whole day today pondering what you can do when theres really nothing to do. and well i came up with nothing. I didnt get called to go in to the schools and sub so i didnt have to work today. You would think i would be excited but im not. I need money so i can stay alive in colorado. Now back to my thinking process I hardly slept last night I fell asleep around 3 then I let my dogs out around 8 am then i crawled back in bed with them and just laid there...didnt sleep just laid for 2 hours..and I really wasnt thinking about anything specific. I think I'm having a hard time sleeping cause im so nervous and anxious about leaving for colorado next monday that my mind is just racing. First I thought about all the bad things that could happen if i go out there, I could risk not finding a job not making my car payment, not making any friends just a whole mess of things. Then I thought to myself when have you ever been scared and hesitant about anything in your life amanda?!? Get it together!! I've come to the conclusion that Im freaking out for no good reason everything will work out thats where im meant to be and things will work themselves out.
Now another thing I went to my aunts tonight to watch a movie with her and Alyssa. Now I have this little switch in my brain that everytime I see a movie no matter how cheesealicious it is that my life has a smidgen of a chance of ending up like that, when I know that i am stuck here in real life that nothing comes as easy as the movies and im going to have to work my hind end off to get what i want.
My life thus far has been more of a thriller/comedy rather than a romantic comedy. For those of you that dont know my life story in a nutshell I am 21, recently divorced( This explains most of my life diffulcities right now) and I have this horrible thing I like to call emotional shopping what a drag. so all baggage aside I consider myself a pretty cool person. HAHA! I really am though but some day soon after alot of perserverence and with the helpful boost of my soon to come relocation I am hoping for my life to become this Romantic comedy that every girl hopes for. Back to my movie switch thing I have found that after every happy movie I watch I walk away with something I hope someday I can apply to my life Like tonight from all about Steve I took the motto "Never change for anybody" I think this is a hard thing not to do because our society is so filled with crap that makes you think you have to be something you're not. This move was empowering because even though she didnt get the guy( which is highly unusual btw) she got the guys respect and realized she was a pretty cool person. Now I may not have Sexy red boots like she did but i think that while my feel good empowerment from this movie lasts I am going to love my self cause I think Im a pretty cool person!