The skunk of life.....

So I recently experienced the wrath of a skunk , my genius puppy Gizmo decided that he wanted to go up against a skunk. well as you can guess it sprayed him in the face. This dog reaked omg i dont think ive ever smelled anything so bad. I had to wonder while i was bathing Gizzy, why on earth something like the skunk exists. What is its purpose? they are disgusting and do they benefit the world ummmm no! So my only conclusion to the existence of the skunk is it is here to teach lessons. It teaches certain animals not to mees with it, it teaches people to swerve like heck to miss them so u dont have to smell it, and finally it has taught this heartbroke little girl that you cant keep holding on to pieces of the past because it makes you hopeful that the past can exist again, and you cant move on from it. well my last piece of the past was covered in the nasty skunk smell and had to be thrown away, I shed a tear for it but i have definatel decided Im better off today! ~A~

Its my choice

Everything is a choice, everyday is a choice. Lately i've been choosing the wrong choice. I have let those around me affect my mood and my self confidence and thats not me. As far as i know im a strong independent outgoing, hilarious person. I want to find that person again. Lately ive just given up on myself and let the people around me run me everyday. So this is my note really for my own benefit to remind myself what im doing and why im doing it , and what i can acomplish with just being me. I plan on sticking to my goals and to quit letting this depressing society and its dysfunctional inhabitants run my day to day doings. I want to be the person all my friends know me as again! That is all.....~A~

My poor gene gene !

Today was another typical boring friday! I was thinking to myself what would i do without my little car eugene he is amazing, he's black, sexy, fast, does what I want, well basically he's perfect, except I've come to the conclusion that this cities inhabitants hate my poor little gene gene, so far he has been hit twice. The first time some lady just decided that she wanted her car to meet gene and decided to join our lane in the same spot we were in, WELCOME! well 1 1/2 weeks without my gene gene and he got all fixed up good as new. Well last week we were driving behind a green truck in the parking lot at school and we were a little over a car length behind the truck well another car was gunna back out of a parking space and this truck just flipped into reverse, and despite me laying on the horn and holding it down as hard as possible welp eugene met big dodge pickups hitch = hole through bumper which also means another trip to the car docter and i have to be without him for 2 days and drive another rental car ugh but i am thankful that both people that hit him have insurance and it was their fault both times. Now as i said earlier eugenes a little fast and sometimes he has a mind of his own and i dont argue with him then he gets me in these horrible situations that involve the popo. well thats never fun but since i got eugene i have been pulled over 20 times all together i have been pulled over 24 times. Only 1 ticket and that was the 2nd time i got pulled over and i took stop class so its not even on my record. :) this last cop that pulled us over on our way to colorado springs, i had to laugh cause he told me that he was happy with me and not giving me a ticket because i wasnt on my phone and I had my seatbelt on, well little did he know i was on the phone with my cousin wen he turned his lights on after me i hurried and told her i had to go i was being pulled over and i slipped on my seatbelt. ;) well now i know what some of you are thinking and rest assured that 99% f the time i wear my seabelt that was one of the rare times that i didnt have it on opps! But im hopin that this is the last time eugene has to go to the doctor so we'll see! ~until next time~A~

today i loved

Today i loved myself. now this may sound odd but this is a rare happening. I laughed at myself, im actually pretty dang funny. I loved how i looked today, I went to the gym this morning and i loved how i felt after that. I've given up on searching for love because i only become dissapointed and self-hating. I figure I sound pretty damn desperate when i always talk about how i want love well im done looking it will find me when it finds me. Plus I've found that i have more self-loving days when im living for myself and god rather than when im looking for love and trying to look like and become something some man is going to want. I figure im a pretty desireable thing to have and someday some guy will be lucky to have me, for now ill just focus on letting go to god. We'll see how that goes, i only says this not in doubt of what god can do if i put all my trust in him, but how i will handle letting go all the control I have because I'm borderline control-freak! ~love A~

what i want

I feel like im being demanding but ive found that i dont have patience anymore. I dont wanna wait for the person that god has for me i want someone to love me now. I want someone to go hiking with and have awesome summer plans with. I want someone to take home and introduce to my family. I want someone who loves sports and will paint their face with me to go to a game and have awesome pictures together of us rockin the face paint and matching jerseys. I want someone to stand out in the cold and pump my gas for me, not because im lazy but because they wanna take care of me. I want someone to go to the gym with me and encourage me to work harder, not because they only think ill be beautiful if i lose weight, but because they know how bad i want to better myself. I want someone who will dance in the rain with me. I want someone who is ok with watching all the animated movies with me; like finding nemo, the emporers new groove, and the incredibles.I want someone who will get excited with me about my school work and what ive done. i want someone who is ok with me making a total fool of myself in the middle of a store, why yes i do dance in the middle of the isles :) I want someone to go on roadtrips with and blast the music as loud as possible. ok im done venting/whining ...Im 21 years old so i really can be patient and wait sometimes i just need to whine because i dont want to wait!!!!! But I will. :)

Hello new life

Well hello again. It has been quite sometime since I have last written and I am quite sorry for the lapse in time. I feel like i just got caught up in life and forgot about this little blog i have going that helps me feel so much better about my life once i express exactly how im feeling so to catch up to the now. I am successfully in colorado, this is my home ii love it here, I just recently signed a lease on an apartment in downtown denver, school is going well I am getting good grades in all y classes and im not struggling too much. I have made awesome friends who i have already become so close to and I have been exercising regularly and am getting a little step closer to my weight loss goal. so far my poor car has been hit twice and he has to get new parts this city hates him, but i love him so much. my dogs are doing awesome they love all the exercise and attention they get here because my lifes a little more balanced here and theres more to do. Ive fit in wonderfully at my church and I love it I volunteer at the college group and have met several new friends there. I miss my family my mom & dad, y nanny & papa, everyone else, but especially my brother. He is the icing to my cake, the flame to my fire, y best friend and i never ever thought that those type of words would be coming out of my mouth but i cant help it he has become such a special little man in my life i just cant live with out him ( well maybe not little he's like 6'3" but hes still my baby brother) I absolutely adore him and i cant stand being so far away from him. He's such a hard worker and just an amazing boy its so hard here without him

valentines day, love, and God

Love...what is it really? I have found myself contemplating this word/emotion/feeling, many a times over the past few years. What is it? Why can't I find it? Is what i have right now it? Am I loved like I feel like I love others? There are various definitions.....- a strong positive emotion of regard and affection, -a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction, is this what it comes down to ....really "To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." - H.L. Mencken "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it." - Robert Mitchum
"Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside." - Margaret Walker.

These are just a few of the great quotes of peoples very definitions and perceptions of Love.
As I read these I wonder wat is it going to be for me? I thought I had found it but if what I found wasn't love then what is it really. Valentines days first of all sucks!!! but secondly reminds those of us that dont have a significant other that we are ALONE. most "holidays" are very family oriented and lets get together and "love" one anothers presence in a large group. But Valentines day is one of the most secluding holidays. It says if you dont have a significant other dont go out cause it will make you be around everything that you're missing out on. But if youre not feeling alone enough already please turn on the tv and watch all the jewlery and hallmark commercials that some guys are actually watching and taking notes cause theyre gunna do that for their girl on the 14th. So I like to imagine that one day I will be lucky enough to have someone think of me when they see those things. I just keep hping one day that WILL happen to me!! So where does god fit into this love thing because I honestly believe he has someone picked out for me I just wish he'd throw them my way soon! So for now Im gunna keep god close to my heart and not let anyone else in I'm gunna focus on God, myself, my dogs, my school, and my work and hopefully someone will find there way right in between those spaces until then gotta focus on me!