valentines day, love, and God

Love...what is it really? I have found myself contemplating this word/emotion/feeling, many a times over the past few years. What is it? Why can't I find it? Is what i have right now it? Am I loved like I feel like I love others? There are various definitions.....- a strong positive emotion of regard and affection, -a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction, is this what it comes down to ....really "To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." - H.L. Mencken "Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it." - Robert Mitchum
"Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside." - Margaret Walker.

These are just a few of the great quotes of peoples very definitions and perceptions of Love.
As I read these I wonder wat is it going to be for me? I thought I had found it but if what I found wasn't love then what is it really. Valentines days first of all sucks!!! but secondly reminds those of us that dont have a significant other that we are ALONE. most "holidays" are very family oriented and lets get together and "love" one anothers presence in a large group. But Valentines day is one of the most secluding holidays. It says if you dont have a significant other dont go out cause it will make you be around everything that you're missing out on. But if youre not feeling alone enough already please turn on the tv and watch all the jewlery and hallmark commercials that some guys are actually watching and taking notes cause theyre gunna do that for their girl on the 14th. So I like to imagine that one day I will be lucky enough to have someone think of me when they see those things. I just keep hping one day that WILL happen to me!! So where does god fit into this love thing because I honestly believe he has someone picked out for me I just wish he'd throw them my way soon! So for now Im gunna keep god close to my heart and not let anyone else in I'm gunna focus on God, myself, my dogs, my school, and my work and hopefully someone will find there way right in between those spaces until then gotta focus on me!

Settling in

Well as you know I have a job now and its great, I love it. Its very convenient, I get to know all sorts of different people, and it pays well. Which is always a plus!!! So My family came down this weekend which was great I've missed them so much! We hung out @ the hotel, went shopping, and watched the superbowl on sunday. On monday they came to my college which was really exciting for me to have them see where im going to be at where I felt fits my life. I was so excited to have them there. Now im trying to start a budget and work out and get my life balanced for me. Which is really weird because ive never had so much time to think about myself and what I want. Well I may have had the time but never did it cause i was always worrying about someone else. But its kinda nice im not gunna lie. So far being here in Colorado I have felt good about myself everyday! I know im finally where I need to be! Doing what I need to do!! Its a fantastic feeling. I feel really strong and empowered because everything is falling into place. I've found a chrurch, I have a place to live, My dogs are here with me, my family supports what i am doing( and has helped me get here BIG TIME), Ive found a school I know I'll Love, and my job is going to be flexible and pay well enough I can do all of that. I am just excited to be here and can't wait to see what this next year has in store.

motivational song of the DAY.....YEAR!!!!!

It's so like you just to show up at my doorAnd act like nothin's happenedYou think I'll sweep my heart up off the floorAnd give it to youLike so many times beforeYou're talking to a strangerI'm not that girl anymore

[Chorus]That girl is long gone Boy you missed the boat it just sailed awayLong goneShe's not drowning in her yesterdaysBetcha never thought I'd be that strongWell this girl is long gone

Don't waste your breath with baby baby please Cuz I am so not listening Don't bother getting down upon your knees and try to beg meI'm tired of how you twist the truthYou're not talking to the same girl Who used to forgive you

[Repeat Chorus]Gone like the wind under Superman's capeLike a thief in the night I made the great escapeI'm not the kind of girl that keeps making the same mistakes

[Chorus]That girl is long goneBoy you missed the boat it just sailed awayLong goneI'm not drowning in my yesterdaysBetcha never thought I'd be that strong, betcha didn'tYeah well baby I proved you wrongThis girl is long gone, long goneThis girl is long gone, long goneThis girl is long goneThis girl is gone

Well I have successfully obtained a job here in Colorado! Thank God! cause I was gettin really nervous. But before that I went to church on Sunday to an Awesome church its called Flatirons Community church! The sermon was fantastic and made me want to listen I didnt want to ceck my phone cause i didnt want to miss what he was saying! He talked about sins and being forgiven no matter what it is you have donem we specifically looked at Luke 7:36-50. This was about the woman that came to simons dinner party and she was a prostitue she wasnt invited but came because she knew jesus was there. she washed his feet which noone else had done before he entered the house. Being forgiven becase she loved much, he also said he who has been forgiven little loves little. Well I thought about this on my drive home and how the pastor had also tied into this message that religious people can be responsible for sending more people to hell then welcoming them to heaven. Just like simon and the pharasies were responsible for judging this girl and offering no forgivness. Jesus knew what she had done in her life and forgave her anyway and the thing that got me was he knows that shes gunna screw up more and that he still forgave her. I am so glad that my god is this loving and that I dont get into heaven based on my judgment from others. I think that this is where Im going to begin my journey to become a better christian and that is forgiving those that have wronged me and knowing that they will probably mess up again but forgiving them anyway. Now I do believe that there is a difference in forgiving someone for what they have done to you and becoming better for yourself and christ, and becoming a doormat and letting people hurt you ovoer and over. Now I plan on doing the first forgiving them for what they did but also keeping my distance as to not sacrifice my own self worth.
Now back to the job! I have been here for 2 weeks and I was starting to get discouraged and angry, thinking that this would never work out and that I would have to go back to nebraska. But then I got a call Monday from 2 places for interviews on tuesday! I was so stoked, went to the first one it was a little scary it was down on the west side of denver! So the building was a little sketchy but i went in and the people were nice but dirty I went through the interview and she said she would call me by monday! Then i went to my other interview at 3. The buiding was nice and clean the people were clean. this was an actual office building. I went through the interview and then she offered me the job! I have to wait for my backround check to go through and i either start friday or tuesday! Thank you Lord!!!