"The Past"

I was inspired for this next entry because I got a happy little phone call I like to call the past. This past has realized that things weren't so bad in the past, and now that I am starting to get my life together and know which direction I'm going and what I wanna do that I look so much more desireable then...lets just say the pasts current choice for its path. As I sat on the phone I thought to my self hello Amanda!!!!????!!!! wake up YOU CAN"T change the past. It's always gunna be there but you can move on to the present and plan for the future!!!! But the past is just the past no matter how much you loved it it changed and chose to become your past and you need to let it stay there!!! I was in tears making this realization with myself! But where theres big tears and big pain....HUGE gain will come from it. I have grown as a person just tonight and plan to continue growing and looking for a future! I'm Sorry past as much as I loved you you have to stay the past. I am ok wit finding out on my own who I am going to be in the future. And hopefully future will find me and wisk me away!!!

My 2010 Goals

So in all this time ive had to think about things because i dont have a job to fill my time I have decided to write about my resolutions so I'm sure not to forget them.
1. To reinvent my relationship with Christ. I have found that with the past few years of my life I have strayed deeply from him, It all started when I decided that I was going to prove to God and the world that I could change a person, well after years of trying I learned the hard way that people have to want to change you can't just change them because you want them to no matter how bad you want it.This is where my new life has begun starting with a move out of state. This has been my greatest leap I was so scared but I decided if this isnt what God wants then he wont provide for me. So starting with that leap I have been here for 1 week and he hasnt provided yet. I'm hoping and praying a job will come along, I lie awake thinking about it everynight. I tallied up all the applications that i have out right now and it added up to right about 55-60.
2. To lose 45 lbs. Now I know everyones new years resolution is to lose weight and most ppl that I tell how much I want to lose think that OMG! thats so much. But really for me It's just right. I plan on trying to stick to p90x. I started friday and since then Tony Horton Has absolutely kicked my butt. He is so hardcore its almost intimidating. But it's totally worth it.
3. To become closer with my mom. I find my self still at my age feeling like I need to hide things from her. Like she's not gunna accept me or something. Well I've come to the conclusion that its now easier to tell her things since I'm not living in her house anymore. Things may get tense but we're like 500 miles away. I looke around and see ppl who havent talked to their moms in years and it's heartbreaking. I can barely go a day without hearing from her. I want our relationship to be stronger and to get there I need to become more responsible! Which leads me to my next goal.
4. Become financially responsible! This is something I have always struggled with. I spend more than I have then I pay outrageous amounts in overdraft fees and late payment fees and this has since hurt my credit immensly. By the end of this year I would like to have everything paid off except my car. I want to start saving. In order to do this I already figured myself out that I need 2 different accounts so that I cant access my savings unless I go into the bank. This is because I literally get anxiety if I know theres more than 10 bucks in my account and I immediately want to go spend it. I get the same kind of anxiety when I'm in a store and know i shouldnt buy anything but just need to so that I have the satisfaction of walking out with something in hand. By 2011 I want to not experience this anxiety and have a nice amount of money built up in my savings.
5. This is going to sound lame but in 2010 I want to go on at least one real date. I want to be asked for my nmber, called and asked when i can meet for dinner. I want to be picked up and taken to dinner and a movie or not necessairly a movie but something thats date worthy. perhaps the aquarium?!?
6. And my final goal for 2010 is to find my true self and be Happy. Once all these other goals are met I know that this one will be easily achieved.

New Life

So I havent been on in a while mainly because i made a huge life change! I Moved to colorado 6 days ago I am living in parker which is a suburb of Denver. Im on a super Huge job hunt hoping to find money so i wont be so behind. I love it here i actually feel like ive found a place where i fit in. I met a boy at the dog park on wednesday. we talked about our dogs! lol....lame i no..but when all else fails always talk about something you know you have in common. we exchanged nothing more than a nice chat though. Its really weird cause i feel seriously on my own here even though ppl have helped me get here those ppl now seem like theyre so far away. I have spent this weekend at my aunts who lives about 35 minutes south of me which is really super nice to finally have them be so close. I wont have more updates in here for a while cause my computers broken and i dont have my proof of purchase from nebraska to get it fixed here so that will be a task but ill def update whenever i have a chance especially if i see the dog park guy again! Much love xoxo

Day 1- nothingness

Have you ever sat and thought why we have days where you absolutely can't think of a thing to do. I spent my whole day today pondering what you can do when theres really nothing to do. and well i came up with nothing. I didnt get called to go in to the schools and sub so i didnt have to work today. You would think i would be excited but im not. I need money so i can stay alive in colorado. Now back to my thinking process I hardly slept last night I fell asleep around 3 then I let my dogs out around 8 am then i crawled back in bed with them and just laid there...didnt sleep just laid for 2 hours..and I really wasnt thinking about anything specific. I think I'm having a hard time sleeping cause im so nervous and anxious about leaving for colorado next monday that my mind is just racing. First I thought about all the bad things that could happen if i go out there, I could risk not finding a job not making my car payment, not making any friends just a whole mess of things. Then I thought to myself when have you ever been scared and hesitant about anything in your life amanda?!? Get it together!! I've come to the conclusion that Im freaking out for no good reason everything will work out thats where im meant to be and things will work themselves out.
Now another thing I went to my aunts tonight to watch a movie with her and Alyssa. Now I have this little switch in my brain that everytime I see a movie no matter how cheesealicious it is that my life has a smidgen of a chance of ending up like that, when I know that i am stuck here in real life that nothing comes as easy as the movies and im going to have to work my hind end off to get what i want.
My life thus far has been more of a thriller/comedy rather than a romantic comedy. For those of you that dont know my life story in a nutshell I am 21, recently divorced( This explains most of my life diffulcities right now) and I have this horrible thing I like to call emotional shopping what a drag. so all baggage aside I consider myself a pretty cool person. HAHA! I really am though but some day soon after alot of perserverence and with the helpful boost of my soon to come relocation I am hoping for my life to become this Romantic comedy that every girl hopes for. Back to my movie switch thing I have found that after every happy movie I watch I walk away with something I hope someday I can apply to my life Like tonight from all about Steve I took the motto "Never change for anybody" I think this is a hard thing not to do because our society is so filled with crap that makes you think you have to be something you're not. This move was empowering because even though she didnt get the guy( which is highly unusual btw) she got the guys respect and realized she was a pretty cool person. Now I may not have Sexy red boots like she did but i think that while my feel good empowerment from this movie lasts I am going to love my self cause I think Im a pretty cool person!

Reason for Creation

So I actually decided to create this place the other day, but just havent gotten around to it until today! The idea struck me when i realized i have so many things that happen in my life that i should just write about them. The actual idea striking situation was on saturday I went to pick up Alyssa at work. The reason I had to pick her up is another blog worthy situation she totaled her car, probably one of the most scary phone calls I've ever received. But shes ok! Only thing injured was her car! so anyways i picked her up and we were driving for like 2 minutes when my car began to shake and make a weird noise. so we pulled over and parked in the parking lot of Quiznos, got out and come to find out i blew a tire! Flipping Fantastic! so i got the spare out and the jack, with the complete intention of changing this tire. Come to find out you need whats called an allen wrench to remove the cover on my hub cap to even get to the bolts.( keep in mind this whole time we were standing outside in -2 degrees with a windchill that made it feel like -19) so keeping this in mind we walked across the parking lot to walgreens to find an allen wrench. Of all the things that walgreens has allen wrenches are not in their inventory but we did find this flat fixer tube thing. So 9 dollars later were back at my car standing outside trying to get this tube connected to my tire to fill it up. Surprise surprise it did not work! so we decided to walk to home depot( against the wind!!) to get these allen wrenches. OK got allen wrenches at home depot, walked around inside the store to warm up then decided to brave it and walk all the way back to my car! then we started taking the cover off to find the bolts so we used the tool that came with the jack to take off the bolts so we twisted and turned and turned and could not get it unscrewed. FINALLY a nice boy from quiznos came out and offered his assistance, now im not the lets be girly and let the boys do all the work cause im to prissy type but it was frickin cold out there so i figured he could do it a little quicker so i let him! he got it done we thanked him and drove over to sams club where they put a new tire on for me for 70 $. Wow what an evening we followed this adventure with a trip to hyvee to get pizza rolls and garlic bread! Then we curled up on my couch with our lovely puppies and watched the hangover! Great Ending to an eventful day!